Uncle Ivanhoe had a glass eye. I stared at him for
hours. I prayed it wouldn't pop out and roll off somewhere. I had an
aunt with a strange upper lip and big eyes. I stared at her too. She was rich
and gave all her money to a dancing company. It made people dancing
in toutou's happy, but not our family.
Grandpa had half of his thumb missing on one hand. He said he lost
it slicing meat for a customer. He said "the man got some extra meat that
day". Buying meat was never to be the same again. He really lost his
thumb in a broom factory where he met my grandma who played with spiders.
On dad's first date with mom, grandma offered him a coke. He drank it. He saw
something at the bottom of the bottle. There was a cigarette butt
stuck in a wad of gum. My dad is petrified of spiders. Grandma gave him a cute
little box. She filled it with spiders. Profound sweetness.
Grandma's cousin was a Friar. The Catholic Church made Friar
Andre into a Saint. When grandpa was young, his teeth were not
growing. Friar Andre gave him Holy Water. It overworked. Granpa
grew two rows of teeth and had to have a row removed. When grandpa was in the
hospital, they gave him his neighbor's teeth by mistake. He went through
a case of Listerine in a day. I'd be toothless for a year. My dad's cousin,
Yvon, sneezed while in line at the grocery store. His teeth went flying away
from him. Excuse me, may I reach over and get my teeth? Time to find a new
grocery store.
Then, there's uncle Marcel who lived in a retirement building. He
was eating lunch. The fan above his head became wobbly and out of control. The
fan fell down and one of the blades chopped part of my uncle's ear
off. He became uncle Fan Gogh.
That's family. There's more nuts in the bag.
copyright Diane Sesler 11/4/10
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