Kitty, David, & Blackberry Bushes

We stayed in a hotel for a month after the flood. Monster is our indoor/outdoor cat. His name should give you a hint about his personality. I felt sorry for him, so I thought that buying him a harness and a leash could brighten up his life. Monster has a large and hanging belly. I had to buy him a harness that fits a medium dog. Our first attempt at trying the new outfit on him was unsuccessful. He couldn't stop wiggling and swatting us with his razor sharp claws. So, he walked around with half a harness around his body for a day.

We returned to the kitty project on the next day. It worked, but Monster refused to move for a few hours. I tried to take him outside. He went for the nearest bush, and meowed like he was ready to die.

A couple of nights later, we had dinner with my parents. It was a gorgeous evening with fireflies everywhere. There's a small wooded area behind our hotel room. David decided to take kitty bitty for a walk. He had been there a while, so I decided to join him. That's when I saw David crouching in the dark and saying "Monster, here kitty kitty....oh Monster". He looked like a grown man who needed his medication. "You have to be kidding me!" I said. I just couldn't take another loss. He said that Monster was having a good time. That he was becoming adventurous and went into the woods. He felt the tension on the retractable leash. He pulled him in a couple of times. Mosquitoes were eating him up, so he pulled at the leash for the last time. That's when the line zipped right past him with an empty harness. Houdini Kitty was gone. We shook his food container which is usually all it takes to bring Monster out of hiding. Nope. Nothing worked. I was panicking.

Plan number 2: David got a flashlight and braved the woods. There was a lot of cracking sound, some meowing, and a dancing flashlight. It didn't take long when I heard "I got him". That was followed by piercing screams, (a few choice words), and the loudest hissing cat I had ever heard. David came out of the woods holding Linda Blair's possessed cat. "Argh...argh...oh geezus..." David was moaning. He had blood on his legs and face. He looked like he had been scraped with a fork in between the eyes.

"Holy Cow" I screamed "Did Monster do all that to you?"

Actual Scenario: David goes into the woods looking for lost pet. Angry cat in harness wandering nearby. Cat gets close to David. David drops flashlight and grabs Monster. He quickly tries to grab 4 paws to avoid pain. He only gets 3. Monster becomes Kung Fu Kitty with remaining paw. David screams. David runs out of the woods with possessed cat. David screams again. David is running through blackberry bushes. More pain. David comes out of the woods. David looks like he has been attacked by a mob of cats. Monster goes back into hotel room and purrs at bowl of food. David hisses at cat.

Goodnight