In Search Of A Healing Space and Giggly Wendy

...and so the search for a home begins. The buyout from the city is higher than was our expectations. A Yippee-Yuck situation. Yippee for the  moolah. Yuck for having to find a new home. Pennington Bend is still home in my heart.

We have an agent. A awkward woman with fits of giggles at odd times. She kissed me goodbye on the cheek the first time she met us. Me no likey. It takes me years to get close to people. A laughing kissing agent is not part of my policy. The view of the lake of the first house she took us to was breathtaking. It pretty well went spiraling down after that. May be this chickee poo agent is smarter than I think. She laughs all the way to the bank.

We learn as we go. For example - The description explains that the home has a water view....Beware. "Where is the water?" I ask. The only water I can see in this pink pesto bismol home is in their toilet. "Oh, I believe it's through the yard, the trees, the woods, and over the valley" our giggly agent says. She randomly points to a drain that is situated in the middle of a basement floor. I'm assuming she thinks that flood survivors are now fond of drains. I see her point. David announces that he could bulldoze the trees down for a view. My eyes roll.

The next house takes my breath away. Not in a good way. There's a hideous smell  I instantly recognize. Mold! The house is a nightmarish neon orange Santa Fe gone wrong.  Black mold is on the walls and ceiling. I ask David if he wants to start a mushroom growing business. I hear background giggles from our cheerful agent. "You're funny." she says to me. She is making a design with her finger on a dusty table. She clearly needs medication.

Hours of driving and looking at the way people live sends me into cranky mode. I have tourettes syndrome urges to say french swear words at our agent. "Tete de fromage en merde!" There. I feel better.

We finally get it. Pay $100,000-150,000 and get a water view. It's 100 miles from Nashville and  your neighbors are expert moonshine makers. $200,000 and get a water view if David stands on a 12' ladder while I'm on top of his shoulders. "I see it babe, I see it! It's over there where the rich people live." Go up a $100,000 and you may get a front door that's not off its hinges as a bonus. $400,000 starts to be a happier dollar sign, but you do see some pretty scary stuff like the moldy cheese home.

We tell our agent we have had enough for the day. She vigorously shakes David's hand goodbye. I fly to the passenger side of the car and wave buh-bye. She looks pouty. I feel triumphant and clever at escaping  her kisses.

Lots of giggles from moi.